A friend of mine, concerned with the regularity with which I switch boyfriends, recently told me that friendship and relationships should never mix.
This got me wondering, because after four months of being in a relationship with someone who could arguably be called (one of) my best friends, I completely and utterly disagree.
So here are some reasons for why I think you should be friends, if not best friends, with your significant other.
1. You can do stuff you both like together
If you guys are friends, you will naturally have common interests. If you have common interests, the likelihood that you’ll have to accompany your significant other on some dreary forced pseudo-date to do something only they like will be lessened. Your relationship will suffer from less whining and disinterest and general dislike. You may actually have fun going out with your significant other.
Having the same interests and therefore enjoying and doing the same things together also leads to less arguments, less cold wars and definitely less money spent since you can both, for example, share an arcade machine (or a fish tank).
2. You know what they like
And don’t have to ask their friends for help! This is one giant headache lifted off your Relationship Problems Palette because you will never have to wrack your brains for ideas on what to get your significant other for Christmas/birthdays/anniversaries. Also you can literally buy something at the very last minute and still come across as a nice, sensitive person because you know your sweetie so well you can read their mind. Awww.
The alternative?
You’d constantly have to ask your significant other about what they like, and they’d think, it’s been three years and you don’t know I hate the beach? Are you my boyfriend or a brick wall?
You are then faced with the dilemma of convincing your overly sensitive girlfriend that you actually truly love her, you just don’t know what she likes. And just how convincing does that sound?
3. You don’t play the break-up game
It’s easy to break up with some slag you’ve been together for 3 weeks, but not so easy to sever ties with a good friend. Being friends with your significant other makes you think twice about giving up when the going is tough. All the effort put into buying pointless presents and gifts and other material nonsense pales in comparison to all the effort put into the emotional support given and the attachment felt for a friend. Also, as friends, you’re likely to have fought before, and are therefore more likely to understand that it’s just a fight, it’ll blow over.
Of course, you may be like me and have a boyfriend who is a little childish. In that case, since you’re friends, it is perfectly okay to scold him, because as a friend, he’ll take it, or yell back. The friendship he shares with you is often infinitely more valuable than his ego.
But if he was just a boyfriend, well, you can bet your next Kate Spade bag from him that he’ll be walking away because he has no reason to stay.
Friendship always connects on a deeper level than just relationships, and that proves to be true even in arguments.
Take A Break. Try Some Of Our Games!
4. You actually enjoy talking to each other
A lot of couples end up silent on the phone. Not because of that clichéd old adage that true friendship comes when silence isn’t awkward, but because they have nothing to say to each other. And this is because they are just boyfriend and girlfriend, and not friends, and have no idea what they enjoy talking about together.
Eventually this lack of conversation negates the need for phone conversations. Then it goes onto do away with the need to actually meet up and talk. Eventually you’re left with your weekly date nights, or worse, nothing at all. I used to date a self absorbed dude who preferred playing World of WarCraft to talking to me, and who had little to talk about other than himself when we were out. We ended up meeting once a week or less, with nothing to do on those dates.
We broke up, naturally.
5. You know there’s more to them than just an ideal
A lot of people put on fronts when they date. My self-absorbed ex-boyfriend was prone to suggesting sappy things like matching our outfits when we went out on dates. It’s hard to see past these bedazzling exteriors, especially when you are young and stupid. You don’t know that there’s more to a person than just what they show you while out on a date.
If you’re their friend first, however, you’ll know through and through that they are terrible, selfish, childish folk who tear up their friends’ collectible trading cards when angry, or that they would let their dog chew up your brand new birkenstocks without admonishment or that they cry if denied their time watching Man U get trashed by Man C.
And having known all that, you still like them! On the other hand, if you were just getting into a relationship and found out they were any of the above or worse, you’d probably leave them.
A wise but sometimes childish friend once told me, if you see their ugly sides and their good sides and are still friends with them, then you know that love and friendship is unshakeable.
If you overlook the grammar mistake, it’s really quite sound advice.
And that is why you should be friends with your significant other.
